Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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