why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
