a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
