Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
