so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
