I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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