Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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