don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
