READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
