you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize