how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
