she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize