"it" just moved
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
