are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
