hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
