wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
