I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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