I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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