new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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