You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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