so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
