I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my poor anus
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A+ Viking dick
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
