if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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