Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
