somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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