I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
