covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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