im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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