I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
