Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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