At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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