im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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