so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
