You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
