you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
