We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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