Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
