remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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