He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Found the puke drawer
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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