I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
