I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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