Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
