we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
