My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
