I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
