I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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