I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
