Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
