this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
