She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
