And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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