All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
