I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
