she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
