You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
