if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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