I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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