Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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