Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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