i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
