how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
