You're completely useless in the revolution.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
