i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
