so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
