Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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