i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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