please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
