To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
